What is anger?
Anger is a normal response to a threatening situation. But around one in ten people has real trouble controlling their anger. It therefore can be both a strong and troublesome emotion. It may increase your heart rate, increase your blood pressure, and cause an increase of certain chemical substances in your blood called ‘adrenaline’ and ‘noradrenaline’.
Why do we get angry?
Anger can become your main feeling when you want to stop a threatening behaviour by someone or something. We all feel it at one time or another in our lives. However wild and uncontrolled anger can have a very bad effect on your health and cause you to get into trouble with your families, your friends, or the police and others.
What are the sort of things that can make you feel angry?
- being insulted or being under threat
- being tired, hungry or in pain
- feeling sexually frustrated
- pre-menstrual syndrome
- feeling ignored or not taken seriously
- being affected by alcohol or drugs
Some ways of dealing with your anger:
- recognising what makes you angry and avoiding them
- recognising when you are getting angry
- shouting and screaming in a private place
- beating up your pillow
- learning relaxation and meditation
- taking time to cool down…sometimes ‘in the heat of the moment’ you might do something stupid in retaliation like text a horrid message….. try not to … you may regret it!
- taking hard exercise
You can also….
- Talk yourself calm by repeating a phrase or word to yourself like “take it easy” or “these feelings will soon pass”.
- Try and see the situation in a way that does not make you feel angry
- Ask yourself ‘if your best friend was in the same situation what would you advise them to do?
- Get further help – if you still get very angry in spite of doing the things above then it would be a good idea for you to get further help and the first place to go for this is your family doctor.
There are two main sorts of depression, the sort that comes from bad things happening outside of you and the sort that comes from inside you for no apparent reason.
- ‘My parents are splitting up’
- ‘My parents yell at each other all the time’
- ‘My mum’s depressed’
- ‘I’ve been ill with flu for ages’
- ‘My mum’s very sick’
- ‘I had a row with Mark last night. We’re not friends anymore’
- ‘I’ll never finish this coursework’
The outside sort is when something horrible happens outside of yourself, which makes life very difficult to cope with. Perhaps you fail your exams, or your parents start getting divorced, or a friend commits suicide – dreadful things that just make you want to curl up inside and cry for ever. This kind of depression is painful, but medically speaking, it is also a normal reaction. If you didn’t feel pain, you wouldn’t be human. Eventually, the biting sadness wears off as you talk to people about your feelings, as nicer things happen, as life just goes on. It’s still there, like a scar, but it doesn’t hurt so much.
- ‘I’m lonely – no one likes me’
- ‘I just can’t face the outside world’
- ‘Nobody loves me’
- ‘What’s it all for anyway?’
- ‘I feel tired all the time and I just don’t feel like doing anything’
- ‘I’m a loser anyway – why bother?
- ‘My life is a mess. I can’t make it work’
- ‘Why am I so crap?’
- ‘It’s all my fault. Whatever I do, I hurt someone’
This kind of depression is when something collapses inside yourself. Gloom and greyness descend on your life for no obvious reason – everything might be fine, but you just can’t see it that way. And if something slightly bad does happen, it feels like a crushing weight. This kind of depression is like an illness – like getting pneumonia or glandular fever. This depression is more difficult to cope with than the outside sort, and also takes longer to go away. For a few people, the depression is so severe that it controls every part of their life, and makes it seem as if it’s not worth going on. If you can say to someone you trust, ‘look, I don’t know why, but I feel really, really down, and I need to talk to someone’, then that is the first step away from this kind of depression.
Sometimes depressed or anxious feelings just well up inside you, making your life an unbearable stress. This stress may become so bad that you feel that the only way you can let people notice it is by doing something very definite – like trying to hurt yourself. Although you don’t have to have a reason, problems that most commonly trigger this are:
- parent trouble
- parents breaking up
- school work being too hard
- worrying you’re going to fail your exams
- worrying you won’t get a job
- relationship problems with your boyfriend or your girlfriend
- arguments with, or breaking up with, friends
Interestingly enough, many, many more people (especially girls) do something to hurt themselves rather than actually commit suicide. It is frequently a desperate call for help. Boys aren’t so good at making that statement and tend to bottle it – and so have a higher rate of actual successful suicide than girls. That is girls make more ‘attempts’ than boys, but tend not to kill themselves as a final outcome, whereas boys make ‘less attempts’ but tend to actually succeed in killing themselves more often. Overall, in the U.K – the suicide rates in young people are going down.
Cutting oneself or taking an overdose are examples if self harm. Bulimia and anorexia are also types of self harm.
We all get stressed and we all get anxious at one time or another – so you’re no exception! A bit of stress and a bit of anxiety is fine, in fact it can actually help you get things done. What is bad, is when your stress and anxiety gets so absolutely overwhelming that it stops you from doing anything and makes you feel totally hopeless. Please make an appointment to see one of the doctors, 01669 620339.
Almost everyone has suicidal thoughts, like when you feel that life is not worth living, at one time or another. For most of us these are fleeting, one-off moments. But if you’re depressed, thoughts like these come back again and again, and make the depression worse. If this is you, it’s very important to tell someone about how you are feeling, because there are many ways in which you can be helped. People who are thinking of committing suicide are often also very angry, lonely, feeling that nobody wants them, that the future will be awful, and (if they’re depressed as well) that living is just hopeless. It is much, much better to try and talk to someone before you get into this situation. Other people DO understand how serious it is, and they will be very sympathetic and help and advise you. You may be surprised at how many people have felt the same way in the past including your parents. It may also help to talk to someone you don’t know personally – like the Samaritans. Their website is at www.samaritans.org, where you can send an email about how you feel, and they’ll reply within 24 hours. Or you can call them on 0345 909090. They will listen for as long as you want.
- You don’t even have to say anything – lots of callers are just silent.
- They won’t tell you what to do, and they won’t tell anyone what you say.
- If you decide to get in touch, you won’t be unusual – 50,000 teenagers talk to the Samaritans every year.